Church Changes.

SO... This happened over a year ago now.. now almost close to two years.. but here's a post none-the-less.

So all my life I went to the same Church. I had friends. I felt comfortable. I fit in.. I would go every sunday/wednesday.  But it got to a point where I almost dreaded going. Friendships changed. I changed. I knew it was time to find a different church. One where I could fellowship with believers my age. One where I enjoyed going to again. BUT at the same time, that was REALLY hard for me to do.. because.. it was change- It was doing something I didn't feel comfortable doing. It was stepping out on my own and being. But I'll just say it now... that was probably the greatest choice I made. I LOVE the church I'm at now, I have amaazing friends and the coolest sunday school teacher :) and i've learned so much (and still have alot to learn.) 
But still, almost everytime I go to my old church.. i feel this peace sorta.. and i love the people there.. I just Know it's where i'm not supossed to be. not right now.

Change is hard. very hard.

Well.. The title just about says it all. Change is very hard. I think back about two years ago.. Life was Amaaazing... I had the worlds Greatest friends. I was planning a super epic trip. My Grandpa was in good health and We were able to talk.. to really talk. I could pick up the phone and say.. 'Pop- I have such and such thing today.. can you pray.. and I KNOW he did.' Then.. a very good friendship came to an end. It was hard. painful. and at times I still struggle with it. But God is great ans has Blessed me with more amaaazing and wonderful friends! and even then Things with My grandpa was pretty good.. He was still doing. on his own. He could drive. go to church. and carry on a conversation. Then.. that oh so horrible day back feb? when he passed out in church. stopped breathing. CPR was done. (God DID save a life tho.) then things got worse. He was sleeping more and more.. and not doing much of anything. then 3 heart attacks.. and those have left his heart weaker and weaker every time... now he is to the point where he sleeps. ALL THE TIME :( he won't eat.. He's lost over 30 pounds in the last month. He can't see. He can't carry on a converstation. It BREAKS MY HEART!! I hate it. I hate that he has to suffer so. It's not fair. WHY WHY WHY!?!?! I love the fact I get to stay and take care of him. But at times its very draining. I feel SO helpless. I need a friend. someone I can talk to. someone who is there for me. Alot of times we don't understand why God allows something like this to happen. and maybe we'll never know.. And I know that I just have to trust Him with it. But that is a whole lot easier said then done. *sigh* oh my heart. it's breaking. I love my grandpa SO much and just want him not to hurt. not to suffer. WHY HIM?

Life has been exciting/fast paced!

WOW! where to start?
GO! Camp was a blast... I loved getting to spend a week with some of my favorite people. ever.. oh the adventures we had =) we are also Sister Wives Forever ;)

Hawaii.... Yes.. AMAZING... The sight-seeing- fantastic. the people I met- Amazing. Camp- Fantastical. The Start at night- beyond awesome. I got to do SO many new and exciting things while I was there.. i loved it. I wanna go back :) you'll have to ask me in person to share stories with you.. Cos I just can't type them out... it is way too hard to do :) lol (plus i have so many i could tell, i wouldn't know where to start..)

For those of you who think about it.. pray for my Grandpa.. Last wednesday (so almost a week ago now) He had a (mild) Heart Attack.. and spent a few days in the hospital.. afterwards we moved him into our house (so he doesn't have to do stairs.. and soo there is someone with him more.) He is VERY confused about pretty much everything.. and will hardly eat. anything. maybe a few bites but then he says he is full.. Pray for him... I hate seeing him 'suffer. its not right. and i hate seeing him sooo weak.. how is that even fair??

well.. i gotta jet.. i love you all :)

Exciting stuff :D

Its been awhile!! =) annnd it will probably be awhile again before I'll have time to post....
I leave next wednesday for Florida to spend the weekend working with CCI..
THEN..
I'll be home for 4 days and then i'll leave for Tenn. for a week at camp with some really good friends...
ANNNND THENNN!! :)
i'll be home less then 24 hours and i'll fly out to..... HAWAII to spend 5ish weeks working at a camp!! this has been a dream for sometime and its finally coming true.. i couldn't be more excited!!! =) God is GOOD!!! ;) Pray for me!

My favorite times.

My most favorite times, are times spent with cousins. This past weekend was pretty amaazing. Cousins..aunts..uncles..grandpa. its amaazing. our family is one-of-a-kind-amazing!! Its hard to imagine any other family as close as ours. What other family goes and eats lunch in an empty house. or has so many memories.. we could write a book. :)

This past weekend, Jackson, Eric and I walked up the "the park" for the very last time.. i was flooded with memories, of years gone by.. Brian carrying a ladder there so he could climb up and ring the bell.. (oh my!) attacking Eric on the slide. Flying kites.. our family baseball games.. Family football in pop's front yard.. Walking up the "Graces" school.. walking the track. Playing House on the side porch. fighting over the big wheel toy. HOURS of Dirty Uno.. food fight in the living room. (Brian and Eric started it!)  Aunt Sarah's pancake house!, sledding on the hill. Sitting around the living room singing Christmas songs. Christmas at the beach. I could go on.. but you get the idea.. my family is cooler then your family :) and i love them all bunches!!! I'm beyond thankful for every single cousin/aunt/uncle grandparent. Time spent with them feels right.. it should happen more. i loved this weekend.. and i cannot wait till the next time we are all together again!! =)

thoughts.

You know what my problem is?
I get attached, fast. And once I'm attached to someone, I do everything I can to please them and make them happy. It's never been about what I want, it's always everyone's needs before my own. I give out too many chances to people, who quite frankly, do not deserve them. They take advantage of me, and I'm okay with that, because they're in my life and that's all I ever really wanted. And  even if they scream me over, I'll still be there for them. Because that's me, that's who I am. Once I get attached to someone, they capture my heart and they will always have a place there. And that is why it's so hard for me to let this person go.

I don't have much to say...

Yeah.. Sooo. I don't really have all that much to say.. Life is pretty much the same old thing.. boo!

Today is one of those days where I wish I was in Indiana... I don't like being SO far away from my friends. my people. Sigh.

Next weekend I get to hang out with the most precious 6 year old boy. ever.  I get to be called 'B' again.. oh thats music to my ears ;) I get to be the coolest person ever for 3 days. i can't wait!! =)  ANND i get to help throw a baby shower ANNND a wedding shower.. for two different.. very awesome and amaazing cousins :) Yah buddy!!

Has anyone else noticed that when you are waiting for something to come in the mail. its never comes when you think it will (or should) its been 2 weeks.. and i can't stand the wait.. grr :)

okay, well i told you i didn't have much to say.. ha. later!