My life. a story.

As I sit here, I look back on my life. As a child I used to look at other families... families with "perfect" mothers and fathers and I used to wonder Why my family was SOO messed up. I used to wonder why I had two parents who just didn't care.  But now I look back, and I realize.. that If I had a "Picture Perfect" family things would be SOO different today.  Chances are I wouldn't have had the amazing relationship I did have with my grandparents.  It is because of my Grandparents that I am who I am today. Their investment in my life. their prayers.  The church I grew up in also plays a huge part.  The Hymns we sang every week... such amazing reminders of God's faithfulness. The Preaching there. and the time spent in JV and Varsity with the Leaders and teachers I had. I wouldn't want any other way now. I also quite possibly never would have gotten the chance to do the traveling I do.. To spend weekends with large amounts of small children with little sleep. To spend many hours in a car with people I just met. and became such fast and close friends. Those friendships are friendships to last a lifetime. I would never have meet some of my biggest and best role models and heroes.. So really. looking back It really is a blessing. It is a blessing that has taken me years to see.. Thousands of times I've asked God 'WHY?" when really I should be saying THANK YOU GOD!! for blessing me..My story is a story to be proud of and It's time I stopped worrying what others think and just be Glad I am who I am because of God and the people He has placed in my life!

Changes.

Life changes... faster then anyone could ever imagine... It's scary sometimes.  Sometimes it feels like I just got over the last 'big change' and here comes more change. It's hard, and at times very un-cool. I mean not all change is bad.. It's just that lately the bad way out-weigh the good.. and it's not easy. at all. I miss how things used to be, and yet at the same time, i am a bit excited about the future... but that scares me too. It is proving to be nothing like I imagined in my mind.  And I know without a doubt that God has this wonderfully amazing plan for my life and all I have to do is trust in Him.. But that is sooo much easier said then done.

And once again this Guy has captured my heart.. He doesn't know it (surprise) But he's in all my dreams. I hate how that happens. But what I need, I need one guy to prove to me he isn't like the rest of the guys. I need one guy to go out of his way to show me he cares for me. I tend to have a huge trust issue with guys.. I guess it comes from having such a crappy dad. I just, I don't know. it's hard to put into words.. So I won't even try right now :)

I've also been going to the gym quite a bit. Which is good.... I'm trying to reach my goal.. between working out 4-5 days a week and only eating once a day.. maybe it will happen sooner then I think. *Crosses fingers*

I guess from an out-siders view you could say my life is a complete mess right now. and I guess parts of it are.. but That's life.. Life isn't all teddy-bears and flowers.

I've also turned back to the old "sunday-school songs" that have SO much truth and have the ability to make me cry. life.

First post of 2013

Okay.. So i'm a major slacker when it comes to this. sorry. There really isn't much to tell you right at the moment though. I'm leaving tomorrow for Indiana. I finally get to see my bestest and most awesomest friends. ever. YAY! It has been over a year since I last went to Indiana. WOW!- crazy!!!

Tonight was the Super Bowl. It was alot of fun. Even if I don't watch football. The company was great. That's all that mattered. =)

Oh, So Wednesday. I fell. I was walking into my house.. and it was really muddy outside and I slipped in the mud and cut my knee open on a brick. Go me!! =) It's healing. but still hurts and is a bit nasty. lol!

Okay. so I really don't have anything else exciting to share with you. yet anyways.. So I shall peace out.

2012. Month by month.

January- I turned 24. seriously that's like biggest event I remember from that month. For my birthday I joined almost every birthday club I could find and my aunt and I drove around all day and got 100.00 worth of free food :) it was a fun day. Oh and I played mom to 4 kids for 5 days. It was hard work. but fun. I'd do it again :) (maybe!)  Also January 27 was the 6 year mark of when we lost my Grandma. I still miss her more then words can say.

February- Would have been my Grandparents 66 wedding Anniv.  Then later My bestest friend (Ashley) came to visit me. We had fun. We went to Charlottesville. We basically Just had fun :) AND i got a letter from a very special friend. :)

March- A bunch of Family came together so we could have a Wedding shower (Becca) and a Baby Shower (Cristy) It was fun. Cousins are always fun. We also cleaned out My grandpa's house. Finally. We had one last meal in there (Just sitting on the floors) we walked to all our old hang out places.  My Buddy (Nathan) was born (altho I didn't actually meet him till later..) AND the big thing.. GOD SAVED A LIFE!! =) That was also the month my Grandpa passed out/stopped breathing in church.  God had all the right people in all the right places at just the right time. We got more time with my Grandpa and oh how precious that was.

April- I got to meet Baby Nathan :) and my heart has smiled hugely since ;) That kid makes me smile. muchly.  We also all pulled together to surprise my aunt with an ipad for her birthday. that was huge. and also

May- I went to Florida. I worked with CCI again. We road tripped. I made some new friends. Saw old friends. Slept in a church. lost a lot of sleep. laughed. cried. hung out with large amounts of crazy children.   I had a "going away party." with family We had homemade ice-cream. it was yummy.

June- I went to camp with so many of my favorite people. We had good times. we laughed. we cried. we had jokes. we went on epic adventures. We worshiped. We had a blast :)  Thenn I boarded a plane and headed for.. HAWAII.. the Greatest adventure I've had. I went scared. afraid of making friends. Nervous (being nervous and all the fear. it was totally pointless.) (Now i can't wait to go back.. this coming summer.) I did lots of dishes. cleaned bathrooms. helped cut up a cow. (the guys killed it) Saw so many awesome things. God is a fantastical artist. I'm in awe :)

July- I was still in Hawaii ;) I was doing dishes. making new friends. Laughing lots. sleeping little. Sleeping in tents. Taking bucket showers. using out-houses. eating AMAAAZING food (not your normal camp food. yay!) Getting closer to God. Not spending much time on facebook/internet/phone (it  was healthy)  Then I came home. My Grandpa ended up in the Hospital days after I got home. (mild heart attack) Then Things changed. (not in a bad way really.) My Grandpa moved in with us. It was Good. I got the honor of being the one to take care of him. We had some good talks. and one of the coolest things was. Getting to hear him pray. everyday. It was comforting to never actually be home. alone.

August- My grandpa was still living with us. August was a pretty slooow month. I was still trying to get used to NOT being in Hawaii..  Nothing huge or super exciting really stands out about August. hmm..

September-  My two best friends came to visit me. (Ashley and Amanda) We went and saw Jake. We had fun. It was a much needed weekend. I miss them.  Then.. One saturday(the 22) I got a phone call (I was sleeping (it was early) ) from my aunt.. who said.. "I'm at the hospital... Pop fell in the night and broke his hip" ( I had slept through everything that night. I had no idea what had gone on.) I remember feeling scared. helpless. I texted all my friends and let them know. so they could pray. They did. Monday( the 24) morning before I went to Mops I went to the Hospital (right before his surgery) and was talking to him. and I said Don't you want to come to Mops and help out and he responded. "No I do not want to help." Then I told him i loved him. and I left. I came back after Mops and he was still in surgery. (His doctor told us SO many times that it was a 'High-risk surgery') But he came out of surgery. he slept.  Tuesday(25)  Morning when I went back he was awake. and talking to the nurses like normal. Then I left with friends. before I did I said "Pop- I love you. and he said "I love you too" and he fell asleep not too long after that. Wednesday (26) (His birthday)- 24 hours later.  Mr. Wahlquist came to visit. (Pop still slept) Later that afternoon they decided to transfer him to a Hospice. He never woke up in the move. Alyssa came up the hospice that night and played the violin. There were many. many tears. (she also brought donuts)  Thursday(27) Family came. We spent hours at the Hospice. It was a HARD day. tears. many tears. I spent lots of time just holding my grandpa's hand. telling him I loved him. and would miss him. Friday (28) still lots of time spent at the Hospice. Lots of time with family. lots of time remembering. Saturday (29) My sister and I escaped. We went to the State fair. We just needed the escape. We had fun. we had fair-type food. Sunday (30) I went to church. I went to lunch with my brother. We both went to the hospice. we talked. we told Pop we loved him. I held his hand some more. then we left. we went home. Then my sister and I decided to go shopping. We were on the way to the store. I got a phone call. my aunt. her words.. "Pop has gone home. to heaven." I remember my heart died a little bit that day. I cried.. oh how I cried. My heart hurt. like nothing I had really felt before. I texted my friends. I just needed somebody. I got lots of texts. emails posts. people were praying.

October- Family came. Cousins I hadn't seen in years came. it was good. it was helpful. We had the funeral. Everyone left.

November- My brother had a birthday :) he turned 20. We all put in to give him an ipad. he loved it. People came we all cleaned out my Grandpa's stuff. that was hard. Memories like you woudn't believe. Pictures. laughs. tears. good stuff.  Thanksgiving. We spent it at the beach. We had fun. we ate good food. it was relaxing.

December- Katie and I went to Kentucky to surprise Logan. I got a speeding ticket. We had a blast. we talked. we laughed. I've spent time with dear friends. watched countless Christmas movies. baked yummy Christmas candies/cookies/ caramel popcorn. Listened to Christmas music. Went and saw Steven Green. Hung out with lots of my favoritest kiddos.. and December isn't over yet :) yay!

and so far. thats all folks. I know I left stuff out.. But this is just a small over-view of my year. I love you all and am soo glad each of you have played a part in my life. No matter how often I see you or talk to you. You are amazing and you mean the world to me I couldn't ask for better friends. Keep being awesome.  I'm praying for you all.

This song says everything I want to say.

Christmas In Heaven-  Scotty McCreery

December hasn't changed
This town looks the same
They still light their tree
in the city square.

There's red, white, and
green shining everywhere
And I wish you were here
And I wonder.

Is there snow falling down
on the streets of gold
Are the Mansions all
covered in white?

Are you singing with
angels silent night?
I wonder.....What
Christmas in Heaven is like.


There's a little manger scene
Down on Third and Main
I must've walked right by
it a thousand times.

But I see it now in
a different light'
Cause I know you are there
And I wonder...

Are you kneeling with
shepherds before him now?
Can you reach out
and touch his face?

Are you part of that
glorious holy night?
I wonder.... What
Christmas in Heaven is like.

Is there snow falling
down on the streets of gold?
Are the mansions all
covered in white?

Are you singing with
angles silent night?

I wonder.... what
Christmas in Heaven is like.

Escape

I find that I do that a lot.. Escape. When I feel stressed over stuff happening in my life. Or lately.. dealing with the death of my Grandpa. It's a whole lot easier to just escape then to have to deal with whatever it is needs dealing with. But i'm finding that isn't really the best thing to do. I realized just the other night I still haven't REALLY dealed with the death of my Grandpa… I mean. I'm happy and thrilled that he is no longer in pain and suffering.. but I wasn't ready to lose him.. and I have the hardest time being honest and letting people know that i'm hurting. a lot. at times it feels like my heart is just breaking. LIke i'm sinking. and I can be surrounded by tons of people (all of whom I love dearly) but still feel very much alone. Why is that? 

I don't wanna escape anymore. I wanna learn to face my problems. But I know I can't do it on my own. 

a post for the desperate. christian pick up lines.

some of these are funny and some are cheesy some may even get you smacked in the face...You try these at your own risk.

1) Nice Bible!
2) I would like to pray with you.
3) You know Jesus? Me too!
4) God told me to come talk to you!
5) I know a church where we could go and talk!
6) How about a hug,sister?
7) Do you need help carrying your Bible? It looks heavy.
8) Christians don't shake hands, Christians gotta hug!
9) Oh you are cold, Ecclesasties 4:11.
10) Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?
11) what are your plans for tonight? Feel like a bible study?
12) What's your name and number so I can add you to my "prayer" list?
13) The word says "Give drink to those who are thirsty and feed the hungry." How about Dinner?
14) You don't have an accountability partner? Me neither.
15. You want to come over and watch the Ten commandments tonight?
16) You float my ark.
17) Would you happen to know a Christian man that I could love with all my heart and wait on hand and foot?
18) Nice bracket. What would Jesus date? I mean "do"
19) Do you believe in Divine appointment?
20) Have you ever tried praying at a drive-in movie before?
21) Excuse me, I believe one of your ribs belongs to me.
22) My friend told me to come and meet you, he said you are a really nice person. I think you know him. Jesus, yeah that's His name.
23) You know they say that you have never really dated; until you have dated a christian.
24) Yeah, I predicted David over Goliath.
25) What? Friends listen to Amazing Grace in the dark!
26) Want to practice speaking in tongues with me?
27) I hear there's going to be a love offering for tonight.
28) If God made anything more pretty, i'm sure he'd keep it for himself.
29) I don't see it, but some people think I look like Sampson.
30) Now I know why Solomon had 700 wives.... Because he never met you.
31) Honesty is like a kiss on the lips.. and baby I never lie (Proverbs 24:26 says "He who gives a right answer kisses the lips.")
32) I went on a mission but all I ended up mission was you.
33) Excuse me, is this pew taken?
34) Hello, will you be my shulamite?
35) Hi, my name's Will... God's Will.
36) I just don't feel called to celibacy.
37) No, i'm not coveting, I intend to make you mine.
38) What do you think Paul meant when he said "Greet one another with a holy Kiss."? (I Cor 16:20b)
39) When I read philippians 4:8, I think about you.