Saturday, October 15, 2011


I have SO many thoughts right now... my head is spinning.. alot of times.. that happens after I finish a good book- but specially, if i can put myself into the character... (sigh).

The hardest thing i've ever had to deal with was the Death of my Grandma.. she was my best friend... i could tell her ANYTHING... and she seemed to always be able to fix my problems.. And, I know with all my heart she is in a MUCH better place, and I WILL see her again!!! But, that was probably the worst thing ever.. (yes having, both my parents walk out was tough too.. but, in a way that was a whole lot easier then losing my best friend) But, God.., being awesome like always :) didn't take her out of my life without sending me someone else... just as awesome.. Ashley Brill.. I meet her for the first time 6 months after my Grandma died.. and she has been the best friend. EVER.. i can tell her ANYTHING and i love it. I LOVE the time i get to spend with her.. she's the coolest :) ahh!! I'm smiling just typing that! I seriously can't imagine going through life with a better best friend then her :) God is awesome and giving us the people we need!

The second hardest thing that happened was about 4ish months ago now.. I felt like my heart had seriously broken into pieces.. (sometimes, on some days.. i still feel that way..) Today, being one of those days.. i found "THE SWEATSHIRT" in a closet today... and i was 'brave' enough to wear it... it made me happy.. and sad.. its been a tough journey these past few months and with each day.. i think i'm getting a better handle on it.. but then it all comes crashing down again... and it scares me.. because i want to be happy again :) My first thought on a day like this when its crashing down on me is... I NEED to go hang out with Ashley. i NEED my Amanda/Ashley time.. baking brownies at midnight... :) then eating them.. those times always make me happy...

I think one reason, i love working with kids as much as I do. ( I do Awana's on sundays.)  (have a nanny job 4-5 days a week) and get other random babysitting jobs 3-4 days a week) (and do MOPS 3 days a month)   is because i can focus on them and their problems... and not think about what i'm dealing with.. and that feeling.. is amazing!.

okay, i think i'm done.. for now.. because.. i'm just rambling.. and well.. i need to get more of my thoughts in a somewhat of an order before i spill them out :)

later dudes.. :)