SO... This happened over a year ago now.. now almost close to two years.. but here's a post none-the-less.
So all my life I went to the same Church. I had friends. I felt comfortable. I fit in.. I would go every sunday/wednesday. But it got to a point where I almost dreaded going. Friendships changed. I changed. I knew it was time to find a different church. One where I could fellowship with believers my age. One where I enjoyed going to again. BUT at the same time, that was REALLY hard for me to do.. because.. it was change- It was doing something I didn't feel comfortable doing. It was stepping out on my own and being. But I'll just say it now... that was probably the greatest choice I made. I LOVE the church I'm at now, I have amaazing friends and the coolest sunday school teacher :) and i've learned so much (and still have alot to learn.)
But still, almost everytime I go to my old church.. i feel this peace sorta.. and i love the people there.. I just Know it's where i'm not supossed to be. not right now.
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Well.. The title just about says it all. Change is very hard. I think back about two years ago.. Life was Amaaazing... I had the worlds Greatest friends. I was planning a super epic trip. My Grandpa was in good health and We were able to talk.. to really talk. I could pick up the phone and say.. 'Pop- I have such and such thing today.. can you pray.. and I KNOW he did.' Then.. a very good friendship came to an end. It was hard. painful. and at times I still struggle with it. But God is great ans has Blessed me with more amaaazing and wonderful friends! and even then Things with My grandpa was pretty good.. He was still doing. on his own. He could drive. go to church. and carry on a conversation. Then.. that oh so horrible day back feb? when he passed out in church. stopped breathing. CPR was done. (God DID save a life tho.) then things got worse. He was sleeping more and more.. and not doing much of anything. then 3 heart attacks.. and those have left his heart weaker and weaker every time... now he is to the point where he sleeps. ALL THE TIME :( he won't eat.. He's lost over 30 pounds in the last month. He can't see. He can't carry on a converstation. It BREAKS MY HEART!! I hate it. I hate that he has to suffer so. It's not fair. WHY WHY WHY!?!?! I love the fact I get to stay and take care of him. But at times its very draining. I feel SO helpless. I need a friend. someone I can talk to. someone who is there for me. Alot of times we don't understand why God allows something like this to happen. and maybe we'll never know.. And I know that I just have to trust Him with it. But that is a whole lot easier said then done. *sigh* oh my heart. it's breaking. I love my grandpa SO much and just want him not to hurt. not to suffer. WHY HIM?