2012. Month by month.

January- I turned 24. seriously that's like biggest event I remember from that month. For my birthday I joined almost every birthday club I could find and my aunt and I drove around all day and got 100.00 worth of free food :) it was a fun day. Oh and I played mom to 4 kids for 5 days. It was hard work. but fun. I'd do it again :) (maybe!)  Also January 27 was the 6 year mark of when we lost my Grandma. I still miss her more then words can say.

February- Would have been my Grandparents 66 wedding Anniv.  Then later My bestest friend (Ashley) came to visit me. We had fun. We went to Charlottesville. We basically Just had fun :) AND i got a letter from a very special friend. :)

March- A bunch of Family came together so we could have a Wedding shower (Becca) and a Baby Shower (Cristy) It was fun. Cousins are always fun. We also cleaned out My grandpa's house. Finally. We had one last meal in there (Just sitting on the floors) we walked to all our old hang out places.  My Buddy (Nathan) was born (altho I didn't actually meet him till later..) AND the big thing.. GOD SAVED A LIFE!! =) That was also the month my Grandpa passed out/stopped breathing in church.  God had all the right people in all the right places at just the right time. We got more time with my Grandpa and oh how precious that was.

April- I got to meet Baby Nathan :) and my heart has smiled hugely since ;) That kid makes me smile. muchly.  We also all pulled together to surprise my aunt with an ipad for her birthday. that was huge. and also

May- I went to Florida. I worked with CCI again. We road tripped. I made some new friends. Saw old friends. Slept in a church. lost a lot of sleep. laughed. cried. hung out with large amounts of crazy children.   I had a "going away party." with family We had homemade ice-cream. it was yummy.

June- I went to camp with so many of my favorite people. We had good times. we laughed. we cried. we had jokes. we went on epic adventures. We worshiped. We had a blast :)  Thenn I boarded a plane and headed for.. HAWAII.. the Greatest adventure I've had. I went scared. afraid of making friends. Nervous (being nervous and all the fear. it was totally pointless.) (Now i can't wait to go back.. this coming summer.) I did lots of dishes. cleaned bathrooms. helped cut up a cow. (the guys killed it) Saw so many awesome things. God is a fantastical artist. I'm in awe :)

July- I was still in Hawaii ;) I was doing dishes. making new friends. Laughing lots. sleeping little. Sleeping in tents. Taking bucket showers. using out-houses. eating AMAAAZING food (not your normal camp food. yay!) Getting closer to God. Not spending much time on facebook/internet/phone (it  was healthy)  Then I came home. My Grandpa ended up in the Hospital days after I got home. (mild heart attack) Then Things changed. (not in a bad way really.) My Grandpa moved in with us. It was Good. I got the honor of being the one to take care of him. We had some good talks. and one of the coolest things was. Getting to hear him pray. everyday. It was comforting to never actually be home. alone.

August- My grandpa was still living with us. August was a pretty slooow month. I was still trying to get used to NOT being in Hawaii..  Nothing huge or super exciting really stands out about August. hmm..

September-  My two best friends came to visit me. (Ashley and Amanda) We went and saw Jake. We had fun. It was a much needed weekend. I miss them.  Then.. One saturday(the 22) I got a phone call (I was sleeping (it was early) ) from my aunt.. who said.. "I'm at the hospital... Pop fell in the night and broke his hip" ( I had slept through everything that night. I had no idea what had gone on.) I remember feeling scared. helpless. I texted all my friends and let them know. so they could pray. They did. Monday( the 24) morning before I went to Mops I went to the Hospital (right before his surgery) and was talking to him. and I said Don't you want to come to Mops and help out and he responded. "No I do not want to help." Then I told him i loved him. and I left. I came back after Mops and he was still in surgery. (His doctor told us SO many times that it was a 'High-risk surgery') But he came out of surgery. he slept.  Tuesday(25)  Morning when I went back he was awake. and talking to the nurses like normal. Then I left with friends. before I did I said "Pop- I love you. and he said "I love you too" and he fell asleep not too long after that. Wednesday (26) (His birthday)- 24 hours later.  Mr. Wahlquist came to visit. (Pop still slept) Later that afternoon they decided to transfer him to a Hospice. He never woke up in the move. Alyssa came up the hospice that night and played the violin. There were many. many tears. (she also brought donuts)  Thursday(27) Family came. We spent hours at the Hospice. It was a HARD day. tears. many tears. I spent lots of time just holding my grandpa's hand. telling him I loved him. and would miss him. Friday (28) still lots of time spent at the Hospice. Lots of time with family. lots of time remembering. Saturday (29) My sister and I escaped. We went to the State fair. We just needed the escape. We had fun. we had fair-type food. Sunday (30) I went to church. I went to lunch with my brother. We both went to the hospice. we talked. we told Pop we loved him. I held his hand some more. then we left. we went home. Then my sister and I decided to go shopping. We were on the way to the store. I got a phone call. my aunt. her words.. "Pop has gone home. to heaven." I remember my heart died a little bit that day. I cried.. oh how I cried. My heart hurt. like nothing I had really felt before. I texted my friends. I just needed somebody. I got lots of texts. emails posts. people were praying.

October- Family came. Cousins I hadn't seen in years came. it was good. it was helpful. We had the funeral. Everyone left.

November- My brother had a birthday :) he turned 20. We all put in to give him an ipad. he loved it. People came we all cleaned out my Grandpa's stuff. that was hard. Memories like you woudn't believe. Pictures. laughs. tears. good stuff.  Thanksgiving. We spent it at the beach. We had fun. we ate good food. it was relaxing.

December- Katie and I went to Kentucky to surprise Logan. I got a speeding ticket. We had a blast. we talked. we laughed. I've spent time with dear friends. watched countless Christmas movies. baked yummy Christmas candies/cookies/ caramel popcorn. Listened to Christmas music. Went and saw Steven Green. Hung out with lots of my favoritest kiddos.. and December isn't over yet :) yay!

and so far. thats all folks. I know I left stuff out.. But this is just a small over-view of my year. I love you all and am soo glad each of you have played a part in my life. No matter how often I see you or talk to you. You are amazing and you mean the world to me I couldn't ask for better friends. Keep being awesome.  I'm praying for you all.

This song says everything I want to say.

Christmas In Heaven-  Scotty McCreery

December hasn't changed
This town looks the same
They still light their tree
in the city square.

There's red, white, and
green shining everywhere
And I wish you were here
And I wonder.

Is there snow falling down
on the streets of gold
Are the Mansions all
covered in white?

Are you singing with
angels silent night?
I wonder.....What
Christmas in Heaven is like.


There's a little manger scene
Down on Third and Main
I must've walked right by
it a thousand times.

But I see it now in
a different light'
Cause I know you are there
And I wonder...

Are you kneeling with
shepherds before him now?
Can you reach out
and touch his face?

Are you part of that
glorious holy night?
I wonder.... What
Christmas in Heaven is like.

Is there snow falling
down on the streets of gold?
Are the mansions all
covered in white?

Are you singing with
angles silent night?

I wonder.... what
Christmas in Heaven is like.

Escape

I find that I do that a lot.. Escape. When I feel stressed over stuff happening in my life. Or lately.. dealing with the death of my Grandpa. It's a whole lot easier to just escape then to have to deal with whatever it is needs dealing with. But i'm finding that isn't really the best thing to do. I realized just the other night I still haven't REALLY dealed with the death of my Grandpa… I mean. I'm happy and thrilled that he is no longer in pain and suffering.. but I wasn't ready to lose him.. and I have the hardest time being honest and letting people know that i'm hurting. a lot. at times it feels like my heart is just breaking. LIke i'm sinking. and I can be surrounded by tons of people (all of whom I love dearly) but still feel very much alone. Why is that? 

I don't wanna escape anymore. I wanna learn to face my problems. But I know I can't do it on my own.