2012. Month by month.

January- I turned 24. seriously that's like biggest event I remember from that month. For my birthday I joined almost every birthday club I could find and my aunt and I drove around all day and got 100.00 worth of free food :) it was a fun day. Oh and I played mom to 4 kids for 5 days. It was hard work. but fun. I'd do it again :) (maybe!)  Also January 27 was the 6 year mark of when we lost my Grandma. I still miss her more then words can say.

February- Would have been my Grandparents 66 wedding Anniv.  Then later My bestest friend (Ashley) came to visit me. We had fun. We went to Charlottesville. We basically Just had fun :) AND i got a letter from a very special friend. :)

March- A bunch of Family came together so we could have a Wedding shower (Becca) and a Baby Shower (Cristy) It was fun. Cousins are always fun. We also cleaned out My grandpa's house. Finally. We had one last meal in there (Just sitting on the floors) we walked to all our old hang out places.  My Buddy (Nathan) was born (altho I didn't actually meet him till later..) AND the big thing.. GOD SAVED A LIFE!! =) That was also the month my Grandpa passed out/stopped breathing in church.  God had all the right people in all the right places at just the right time. We got more time with my Grandpa and oh how precious that was.

April- I got to meet Baby Nathan :) and my heart has smiled hugely since ;) That kid makes me smile. muchly.  We also all pulled together to surprise my aunt with an ipad for her birthday. that was huge. and also

May- I went to Florida. I worked with CCI again. We road tripped. I made some new friends. Saw old friends. Slept in a church. lost a lot of sleep. laughed. cried. hung out with large amounts of crazy children.   I had a "going away party." with family We had homemade ice-cream. it was yummy.

June- I went to camp with so many of my favorite people. We had good times. we laughed. we cried. we had jokes. we went on epic adventures. We worshiped. We had a blast :)  Thenn I boarded a plane and headed for.. HAWAII.. the Greatest adventure I've had. I went scared. afraid of making friends. Nervous (being nervous and all the fear. it was totally pointless.) (Now i can't wait to go back.. this coming summer.) I did lots of dishes. cleaned bathrooms. helped cut up a cow. (the guys killed it) Saw so many awesome things. God is a fantastical artist. I'm in awe :)

July- I was still in Hawaii ;) I was doing dishes. making new friends. Laughing lots. sleeping little. Sleeping in tents. Taking bucket showers. using out-houses. eating AMAAAZING food (not your normal camp food. yay!) Getting closer to God. Not spending much time on facebook/internet/phone (it  was healthy)  Then I came home. My Grandpa ended up in the Hospital days after I got home. (mild heart attack) Then Things changed. (not in a bad way really.) My Grandpa moved in with us. It was Good. I got the honor of being the one to take care of him. We had some good talks. and one of the coolest things was. Getting to hear him pray. everyday. It was comforting to never actually be home. alone.

August- My grandpa was still living with us. August was a pretty slooow month. I was still trying to get used to NOT being in Hawaii..  Nothing huge or super exciting really stands out about August. hmm..

September-  My two best friends came to visit me. (Ashley and Amanda) We went and saw Jake. We had fun. It was a much needed weekend. I miss them.  Then.. One saturday(the 22) I got a phone call (I was sleeping (it was early) ) from my aunt.. who said.. "I'm at the hospital... Pop fell in the night and broke his hip" ( I had slept through everything that night. I had no idea what had gone on.) I remember feeling scared. helpless. I texted all my friends and let them know. so they could pray. They did. Monday( the 24) morning before I went to Mops I went to the Hospital (right before his surgery) and was talking to him. and I said Don't you want to come to Mops and help out and he responded. "No I do not want to help." Then I told him i loved him. and I left. I came back after Mops and he was still in surgery. (His doctor told us SO many times that it was a 'High-risk surgery') But he came out of surgery. he slept.  Tuesday(25)  Morning when I went back he was awake. and talking to the nurses like normal. Then I left with friends. before I did I said "Pop- I love you. and he said "I love you too" and he fell asleep not too long after that. Wednesday (26) (His birthday)- 24 hours later.  Mr. Wahlquist came to visit. (Pop still slept) Later that afternoon they decided to transfer him to a Hospice. He never woke up in the move. Alyssa came up the hospice that night and played the violin. There were many. many tears. (she also brought donuts)  Thursday(27) Family came. We spent hours at the Hospice. It was a HARD day. tears. many tears. I spent lots of time just holding my grandpa's hand. telling him I loved him. and would miss him. Friday (28) still lots of time spent at the Hospice. Lots of time with family. lots of time remembering. Saturday (29) My sister and I escaped. We went to the State fair. We just needed the escape. We had fun. we had fair-type food. Sunday (30) I went to church. I went to lunch with my brother. We both went to the hospice. we talked. we told Pop we loved him. I held his hand some more. then we left. we went home. Then my sister and I decided to go shopping. We were on the way to the store. I got a phone call. my aunt. her words.. "Pop has gone home. to heaven." I remember my heart died a little bit that day. I cried.. oh how I cried. My heart hurt. like nothing I had really felt before. I texted my friends. I just needed somebody. I got lots of texts. emails posts. people were praying.

October- Family came. Cousins I hadn't seen in years came. it was good. it was helpful. We had the funeral. Everyone left.

November- My brother had a birthday :) he turned 20. We all put in to give him an ipad. he loved it. People came we all cleaned out my Grandpa's stuff. that was hard. Memories like you woudn't believe. Pictures. laughs. tears. good stuff.  Thanksgiving. We spent it at the beach. We had fun. we ate good food. it was relaxing.

December- Katie and I went to Kentucky to surprise Logan. I got a speeding ticket. We had a blast. we talked. we laughed. I've spent time with dear friends. watched countless Christmas movies. baked yummy Christmas candies/cookies/ caramel popcorn. Listened to Christmas music. Went and saw Steven Green. Hung out with lots of my favoritest kiddos.. and December isn't over yet :) yay!

and so far. thats all folks. I know I left stuff out.. But this is just a small over-view of my year. I love you all and am soo glad each of you have played a part in my life. No matter how often I see you or talk to you. You are amazing and you mean the world to me I couldn't ask for better friends. Keep being awesome.  I'm praying for you all.

This song says everything I want to say.

Christmas In Heaven-  Scotty McCreery

December hasn't changed
This town looks the same
They still light their tree
in the city square.

There's red, white, and
green shining everywhere
And I wish you were here
And I wonder.

Is there snow falling down
on the streets of gold
Are the Mansions all
covered in white?

Are you singing with
angels silent night?
I wonder.....What
Christmas in Heaven is like.


There's a little manger scene
Down on Third and Main
I must've walked right by
it a thousand times.

But I see it now in
a different light'
Cause I know you are there
And I wonder...

Are you kneeling with
shepherds before him now?
Can you reach out
and touch his face?

Are you part of that
glorious holy night?
I wonder.... What
Christmas in Heaven is like.

Is there snow falling
down on the streets of gold?
Are the mansions all
covered in white?

Are you singing with
angles silent night?

I wonder.... what
Christmas in Heaven is like.

Escape

I find that I do that a lot.. Escape. When I feel stressed over stuff happening in my life. Or lately.. dealing with the death of my Grandpa. It's a whole lot easier to just escape then to have to deal with whatever it is needs dealing with. But i'm finding that isn't really the best thing to do. I realized just the other night I still haven't REALLY dealed with the death of my Grandpa… I mean. I'm happy and thrilled that he is no longer in pain and suffering.. but I wasn't ready to lose him.. and I have the hardest time being honest and letting people know that i'm hurting. a lot. at times it feels like my heart is just breaking. LIke i'm sinking. and I can be surrounded by tons of people (all of whom I love dearly) but still feel very much alone. Why is that? 

I don't wanna escape anymore. I wanna learn to face my problems. But I know I can't do it on my own. 

a post for the desperate. christian pick up lines.

some of these are funny and some are cheesy some may even get you smacked in the face...You try these at your own risk.

1) Nice Bible!
2) I would like to pray with you.
3) You know Jesus? Me too!
4) God told me to come talk to you!
5) I know a church where we could go and talk!
6) How about a hug,sister?
7) Do you need help carrying your Bible? It looks heavy.
8) Christians don't shake hands, Christians gotta hug!
9) Oh you are cold, Ecclesasties 4:11.
10) Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?
11) what are your plans for tonight? Feel like a bible study?
12) What's your name and number so I can add you to my "prayer" list?
13) The word says "Give drink to those who are thirsty and feed the hungry." How about Dinner?
14) You don't have an accountability partner? Me neither.
15. You want to come over and watch the Ten commandments tonight?
16) You float my ark.
17) Would you happen to know a Christian man that I could love with all my heart and wait on hand and foot?
18) Nice bracket. What would Jesus date? I mean "do"
19) Do you believe in Divine appointment?
20) Have you ever tried praying at a drive-in movie before?
21) Excuse me, I believe one of your ribs belongs to me.
22) My friend told me to come and meet you, he said you are a really nice person. I think you know him. Jesus, yeah that's His name.
23) You know they say that you have never really dated; until you have dated a christian.
24) Yeah, I predicted David over Goliath.
25) What? Friends listen to Amazing Grace in the dark!
26) Want to practice speaking in tongues with me?
27) I hear there's going to be a love offering for tonight.
28) If God made anything more pretty, i'm sure he'd keep it for himself.
29) I don't see it, but some people think I look like Sampson.
30) Now I know why Solomon had 700 wives.... Because he never met you.
31) Honesty is like a kiss on the lips.. and baby I never lie (Proverbs 24:26 says "He who gives a right answer kisses the lips.")
32) I went on a mission but all I ended up mission was you.
33) Excuse me, is this pew taken?
34) Hello, will you be my shulamite?
35) Hi, my name's Will... God's Will.
36) I just don't feel called to celibacy.
37) No, i'm not coveting, I intend to make you mine.
38) What do you think Paul meant when he said "Greet one another with a holy Kiss."? (I Cor 16:20b)
39) When I read philippians 4:8, I think about you.

A real life hero!

I don't think there is a pain that hurts more than when you lose a loved one. When someone who was close to you is there no longer, there seems to be an empty spot in your life. You know that life must go on without that special person. My Grandpa was a special person in my life. He was a godly man who loved us grandkids beyond words. He always had a smile on his face. Visiting Pop was always a joy for me, I loved getting wrapped up in his big bear hugs, I loved hearing him pray, and just knowing that I could ask him to pray for me, and he would. I will treasure those moments forever!! His gray hair and warm smile made him the most attractive grandpa in the world! He always had a kind word to say, and always found some way to help others out. You can probably tell that my grandpa and I had a very special relationship. I'll never forget the pain in my heart when I found out my grandpa was with the Lord, the aching of my heart was just too much to bear. I don't think I've ever cried so hard in all my life. One thing that really stands out in my mind about my Grandpa, not only was he a godly man but he used his time wisely. I don't remember him wasting half his days in front of the TV, I do remember him doing, for his family and for others. He was always there if you needed to talk, and oh such an amazing prayer warrior. I thank the Lord for the times I got to spend with Him. They are times I'll never forget. And I am thankful for all that I learned from him and most of all, I am thankful he is no longer in pain, but he is in heaven where he is free from pain and suffering and he is seeing and worshiping his dearly loved savior FACE TO FACE!!!

Kenneth Ralph Marken- September 26, 1924- September 30, 2012

Life

1. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

2. Nothing stinks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How in the world are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be alot more interesting if they told how the person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at wok when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

17. I was Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear the forever.

22. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and pinning the Tail on the Donkey- but I'd bet every can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.

23. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize their brain is also important.

My Grandpa- My hero, is now dancing with Jesus!

My Grandpa, My hero.

My grandpa was the most amazing man I ever knew. He was Kinda, caring, loving and gentle. He had the most comforting smile, and when he prayed he really lead you to the throne room of Jesus! His love for God inspired him to love LOTS of others… not the least his 7 children, 17 grandchildren and 10 great-grandchildren. He was a friend to everyone. Just like a piano has 88 keys.. which together make beautiful music, my grandpa lived 88 years, each life a different note and when put together it was a beautiful life. My grandpa was also the only guy who was always there for me.. I remember him being excited FOR me over my so grand adventures.. always asking me when the next one was… always wanting to meet my friends. I remember the day I got my drivers license, he followed me everywhere I drove… just in case :) I also remember when I was about 4.. and I was spending time at his house.. he got a blank tape and let me record my nothingness (which is the most embarrassing tape i own now) for hours..LOL!- My grandpa was also the one who got me set up with my very first computer….. ( I also think I got my love for taking pictures from him ) I don't really ever remember my grandpa doing "nothing" he was always busy.. even in the end when he couldn't do much and we all thought he was sleeping- his reply to us.. "Oh I was praying" oh I know he was… I know I am who I am today because of the HUGE part he played in my life.. He fought a good fight. He finished well. I can't even imagine the things he is experiencing RIGHT now! but oh how my heart aches.. I have this empty spot now…     

Kenneth Ralph Marken

September 26, 1924- September 30, 2012      

Church Changes.

SO... This happened over a year ago now.. now almost close to two years.. but here's a post none-the-less.

So all my life I went to the same Church. I had friends. I felt comfortable. I fit in.. I would go every sunday/wednesday.  But it got to a point where I almost dreaded going. Friendships changed. I changed. I knew it was time to find a different church. One where I could fellowship with believers my age. One where I enjoyed going to again. BUT at the same time, that was REALLY hard for me to do.. because.. it was change- It was doing something I didn't feel comfortable doing. It was stepping out on my own and being. But I'll just say it now... that was probably the greatest choice I made. I LOVE the church I'm at now, I have amaazing friends and the coolest sunday school teacher :) and i've learned so much (and still have alot to learn.) 
But still, almost everytime I go to my old church.. i feel this peace sorta.. and i love the people there.. I just Know it's where i'm not supossed to be. not right now.

Change is hard. very hard.

Well.. The title just about says it all. Change is very hard. I think back about two years ago.. Life was Amaaazing... I had the worlds Greatest friends. I was planning a super epic trip. My Grandpa was in good health and We were able to talk.. to really talk. I could pick up the phone and say.. 'Pop- I have such and such thing today.. can you pray.. and I KNOW he did.' Then.. a very good friendship came to an end. It was hard. painful. and at times I still struggle with it. But God is great ans has Blessed me with more amaaazing and wonderful friends! and even then Things with My grandpa was pretty good.. He was still doing. on his own. He could drive. go to church. and carry on a conversation. Then.. that oh so horrible day back feb? when he passed out in church. stopped breathing. CPR was done. (God DID save a life tho.) then things got worse. He was sleeping more and more.. and not doing much of anything. then 3 heart attacks.. and those have left his heart weaker and weaker every time... now he is to the point where he sleeps. ALL THE TIME :( he won't eat.. He's lost over 30 pounds in the last month. He can't see. He can't carry on a converstation. It BREAKS MY HEART!! I hate it. I hate that he has to suffer so. It's not fair. WHY WHY WHY!?!?! I love the fact I get to stay and take care of him. But at times its very draining. I feel SO helpless. I need a friend. someone I can talk to. someone who is there for me. Alot of times we don't understand why God allows something like this to happen. and maybe we'll never know.. And I know that I just have to trust Him with it. But that is a whole lot easier said then done. *sigh* oh my heart. it's breaking. I love my grandpa SO much and just want him not to hurt. not to suffer. WHY HIM?

Life has been exciting/fast paced!

WOW! where to start?
GO! Camp was a blast... I loved getting to spend a week with some of my favorite people. ever.. oh the adventures we had =) we are also Sister Wives Forever ;)

Hawaii.... Yes.. AMAZING... The sight-seeing- fantastic. the people I met- Amazing. Camp- Fantastical. The Start at night- beyond awesome. I got to do SO many new and exciting things while I was there.. i loved it. I wanna go back :) you'll have to ask me in person to share stories with you.. Cos I just can't type them out... it is way too hard to do :) lol (plus i have so many i could tell, i wouldn't know where to start..)

For those of you who think about it.. pray for my Grandpa.. Last wednesday (so almost a week ago now) He had a (mild) Heart Attack.. and spent a few days in the hospital.. afterwards we moved him into our house (so he doesn't have to do stairs.. and soo there is someone with him more.) He is VERY confused about pretty much everything.. and will hardly eat. anything. maybe a few bites but then he says he is full.. Pray for him... I hate seeing him 'suffer. its not right. and i hate seeing him sooo weak.. how is that even fair??

well.. i gotta jet.. i love you all :)

Exciting stuff :D

Its been awhile!! =) annnd it will probably be awhile again before I'll have time to post....
I leave next wednesday for Florida to spend the weekend working with CCI..
THEN..
I'll be home for 4 days and then i'll leave for Tenn. for a week at camp with some really good friends...
ANNNND THENNN!! :)
i'll be home less then 24 hours and i'll fly out to..... HAWAII to spend 5ish weeks working at a camp!! this has been a dream for sometime and its finally coming true.. i couldn't be more excited!!! =) God is GOOD!!! ;) Pray for me!

My favorite times.

My most favorite times, are times spent with cousins. This past weekend was pretty amaazing. Cousins..aunts..uncles..grandpa. its amaazing. our family is one-of-a-kind-amazing!! Its hard to imagine any other family as close as ours. What other family goes and eats lunch in an empty house. or has so many memories.. we could write a book. :)

This past weekend, Jackson, Eric and I walked up the "the park" for the very last time.. i was flooded with memories, of years gone by.. Brian carrying a ladder there so he could climb up and ring the bell.. (oh my!) attacking Eric on the slide. Flying kites.. our family baseball games.. Family football in pop's front yard.. Walking up the "Graces" school.. walking the track. Playing House on the side porch. fighting over the big wheel toy. HOURS of Dirty Uno.. food fight in the living room. (Brian and Eric started it!)  Aunt Sarah's pancake house!, sledding on the hill. Sitting around the living room singing Christmas songs. Christmas at the beach. I could go on.. but you get the idea.. my family is cooler then your family :) and i love them all bunches!!! I'm beyond thankful for every single cousin/aunt/uncle grandparent. Time spent with them feels right.. it should happen more. i loved this weekend.. and i cannot wait till the next time we are all together again!! =)

thoughts.

You know what my problem is?
I get attached, fast. And once I'm attached to someone, I do everything I can to please them and make them happy. It's never been about what I want, it's always everyone's needs before my own. I give out too many chances to people, who quite frankly, do not deserve them. They take advantage of me, and I'm okay with that, because they're in my life and that's all I ever really wanted. And  even if they scream me over, I'll still be there for them. Because that's me, that's who I am. Once I get attached to someone, they capture my heart and they will always have a place there. And that is why it's so hard for me to let this person go.

I don't have much to say...

Yeah.. Sooo. I don't really have all that much to say.. Life is pretty much the same old thing.. boo!

Today is one of those days where I wish I was in Indiana... I don't like being SO far away from my friends. my people. Sigh.

Next weekend I get to hang out with the most precious 6 year old boy. ever.  I get to be called 'B' again.. oh thats music to my ears ;) I get to be the coolest person ever for 3 days. i can't wait!! =)  ANND i get to help throw a baby shower ANNND a wedding shower.. for two different.. very awesome and amaazing cousins :) Yah buddy!!

Has anyone else noticed that when you are waiting for something to come in the mail. its never comes when you think it will (or should) its been 2 weeks.. and i can't stand the wait.. grr :)

okay, well i told you i didn't have much to say.. ha. later!

A total GOD STORY!!

So, I'm here to share with you.. a Total God Story.. God gets ALL the glory for this!!

So, Sunday.. at Church My grandpa passed out in church, during the sermon.. Thankfully it was on a sunday when My aunt was there with him.. (and thankfully his Dr. Just happens to go to the same church.. and the church has an emergency response team (nurses. etc) ) there) The lady sitting behind my aunt leaned forward and said "what can I do" My aunts response... "Get Dr. Laura"  Before  everyone could get over there.. He had stopped breathing... Laura then Asked "who knows CPR?" A guy said "I DO" and they went to work.. it took about a minute but they got him back :) God Saved a life!! =)  for a about a minute we lost my grandpa.. But God.. being the truly AWESOME God he has.. Brought him back and gave him back to us.. for how long.. no-one knows.. But We will enjoy and treasure every moment we have left with the incredible man of God! Thanks God for saving a life!! =)  One of the songs that keeps going through my head everytime I think about this is "How Great Tho Art"  We serve an AMAAZING God.. I'm still in awe!!! :)
All the right people were in the right place.. at the right time.. I also had people texting/ calling me to let me know they were praying.. not even minutes after i found out.. Thanks!! =)