Tuesday, November 19, 2013

There is no Good- in Goodbye.

All my life i've had the hardest time with saying 'goodbye. Even if those goodbyes were really just "I'll see you later"
I remember when my cousins would come down to my grandparents house for a week and when they would leave I'd cry..... and it would take atleast a day to get used to the normal life once again.
The first real- hardest Goodbye was in 2006- when I lost my precious Grandma.. it felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest and I wasn't even sure how to function..Just getting through that first day was the hardest thing ever. I cried so hard and so long my stomach hurt. (That was in January) and it took a while for be to be "OK" (i still struggle with it)
Then a few months later... another 'goodbye' only this one was different.. this one.. all my friends I grew up with at church.. shared precious memories with.. had countless birthday parties/sleepovers and such with.. just up and walked out of my life.. no real reason why.. my senior year.. was my worst year ever.
BUT in June of 2006 I got the best "hello" ever- I met my (now) best friend!! We've been best friends since day one- and I couldn't ask for a better Best friend to walk through life with. I love you Ashley- I can't imagine my life without you!! =)
In 2007 I met alot of other super awesome people who I'm still super close with today.. and that makes my heart really happy!!
The next hard goodbye was just last year.. (September 2012) I lost my beloved Grandpa- and oh how my heart broke.. and it's still trying to heal- My grandpa had become my biggest hero and prayer warrior in the past few years- I could talk to him about basically anything and knew he cared and understand and he'd pray for me..
The next favorite 'Hello' was just this past September- I met the guy who changed my life- he made me feel cared about (he said all the right stuff) he made me feel like a princess.. he gave me a reason to love life- he gave me a reason to smile.. and then completely out of the blue- he up and left.. no reason. no nothing.. and once again I feel my heart breaking.. (HOW MANY TIMES CAN MY HEART BREAK LIKE THIS!) This isn't a goodbye i'm ready to face.. I can't. not yet. not now. I still (call me insanely stupid.. I don't care) have hope.. I'd do EVERYTHING just to be his ANYTHING.. I can't say goodbye.. when he's the best thing that has happened to me in SOOO long.. i just can't do it- i'll hold on.. i'll wait for him.. but.. I just can't lose him.. not now.. not when I need him..

Monday, November 18, 2013

I miss you. more than I should.

We may not talk very much anymore... and you may not even care... but every single time your name appears on my phone screen.. my whole face lights up and I look like the biggest dork.ever. I love you.. and I always will.. i'm not going anywhere. i'm here. forever.. just know that. you rock. you are amazing. and the best. ever.

Wednesday, November 13, 2013


If you want to learn what someone fears losing, watch what they photograph.

I have moved on, and I feel sorry for you, because I thought you were the most amazing boy ever. If I could have had any guy in the world, I still would have picked you. Now, you're just another part of my past, a memory more faded every day. And someday, I'll find the one who I deserve, and he will make me the happiest girl in the world.

 Sometimes life leads you down a different road when you're holding on the someone that you gotta let go, someday you'll see the reason why. Sometimes, yeah sometimes there's good in goodbye.

Don't worry if your single, God's looking at you right now saying... I'm saving this girl for someone special.

If you really love that person, learn to wait. Maybe you are not meant to be together for today but meant to be in the future.

When God puts love and compassion in your heart towards someone, He's offering you an opportunity to make a difference in that person's life. You must learn to follow that love. Don't ignore it. Act on it. Somebody needs what you have.

I want you...more than you will ever know, you walk through my dreams and haunt my memories everyday. I miss you like someone would miss their right arm.....I just want you, so much and so bad....I wish I haden't given you my heart

I want you to miss me. I want you to realize what you have lost. I want you to realize what you have taken for granted. I want you to realize that I was there for you and that I have given you all my attention and love. I want you to feel that a part of you was lost when I tried to distance myself from you. I want you to realize that you don't want to completely lose me, that you want me to come back. I want you to realize that. 

Thursday, November 7, 2013


I have this song stuck in my head-- it's a song with such simple words, really- but those words can change a life-- those words can pull in back in from whatever it is you are dealing with. Here let me share:

Oh Lord you Know my Heart it's ways
You see my thoughts my plans.
You know the measure of my days,
my life is in your hands.
Nothing in this world is kept
from your eyes, Lord than in
mercy hear my cries.
How I want to be like you,
loving others like you do.
May my life be Christ's alone.
Make my heart Jesus' throne.

it reminds me that GOD knows my heart, you knows what I think and what I plan. (and sometimes my plans aren't what he has planned for my life.) And not only does he KNOW... he also cares. BIG TIME. MY LIFE IS IN HIS HANDS- and what better place for it to be. NOTHING that happens is a surprise to him. He hears me when I cry out to him. I want to learn to love others like He does- and More than that I want my life to be his. and his alone.. after all he made me and HE loves me more than any person ever could. what a fantastic reminder.