Tuesday, November 19, 2013

There is no Good- in Goodbye.

All my life i've had the hardest time with saying 'goodbye. Even if those goodbyes were really just "I'll see you later"
I remember when my cousins would come down to my grandparents house for a week and when they would leave I'd cry..... and it would take atleast a day to get used to the normal life once again.
The first real- hardest Goodbye was in 2006- when I lost my precious Grandma.. it felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest and I wasn't even sure how to function..Just getting through that first day was the hardest thing ever. I cried so hard and so long my stomach hurt. (That was in January) and it took a while for be to be "OK" (i still struggle with it)
Then a few months later... another 'goodbye' only this one was different.. this one.. all my friends I grew up with at church.. shared precious memories with.. had countless birthday parties/sleepovers and such with.. just up and walked out of my life.. no real reason why.. my senior year.. was my worst year ever.
BUT in June of 2006 I got the best "hello" ever- I met my (now) best friend!! We've been best friends since day one- and I couldn't ask for a better Best friend to walk through life with. I love you Ashley- I can't imagine my life without you!! =)
In 2007 I met alot of other super awesome people who I'm still super close with today.. and that makes my heart really happy!!
The next hard goodbye was just last year.. (September 2012) I lost my beloved Grandpa- and oh how my heart broke.. and it's still trying to heal- My grandpa had become my biggest hero and prayer warrior in the past few years- I could talk to him about basically anything and knew he cared and understand and he'd pray for me..
The next favorite 'Hello' was just this past September- I met the guy who changed my life- he made me feel cared about (he said all the right stuff) he made me feel like a princess.. he gave me a reason to love life- he gave me a reason to smile.. and then completely out of the blue- he up and left.. no reason. no nothing.. and once again I feel my heart breaking.. (HOW MANY TIMES CAN MY HEART BREAK LIKE THIS!) This isn't a goodbye i'm ready to face.. I can't. not yet. not now. I still (call me insanely stupid.. I don't care) have hope.. I'd do EVERYTHING just to be his ANYTHING.. I can't say goodbye.. when he's the best thing that has happened to me in SOOO long.. i just can't do it- i'll hold on.. i'll wait for him.. but.. I just can't lose him.. not now.. not when I need him..

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